Things are never what they seem to be...

Well to give you a brief idea about me before I start talking about the headline in bold;) I'm an IT professional - with above average IQ both emotionally and mentally. I have immense talent and knowledge and am blessed with a nice big family, live in a nice place free from wars and pretty safe....And yet - yes, I have had my dark moments. Moments so frustrating that no one in the world looking at me would even believe it in their wildest dreams. Everyone thinks I have it made. Yes friends and family who love me, excellent values, famous - maybe or not yet, popular - definitely and yet - yes for those who think with all these blessings things are greener on this side - let me go a little deeper into my mind and talk about what it is like to be the 'Golden Kid' with an anxiety disorder.

I was always a topper - won in many creative programmes - easily liked - and eye candy too! And yes you would say - you have it made- I would like to think so and hope so - yet I have been living with Panic disorder and for the past few months agoraphobia. So no it doesn't have to happen coz you are not smart enough or good looking or anything else that others might blame it on. Though if you have warped notions about the same which cause you to be hurt or angry - this can be an underlying cause. Anyways, is this a mental disorder? One might want to think so coz it sure seems like that but heck no, it isn't. It's a behaviour /emotional disorder and why that happens to maybe the best of people (yes, us even if you don't want to say that) -I'll come to that soon.

This anxiety disorder probably has its roots in childhood or something that happened along the way to cause stress. Maybe trauma, illness, loss, financial or emotional problems, accidents, other stresses, domestic violence, strict or ill parent, over expectations, shame,guilt, low self esteem, unexpressed anger and pain and as a result sensitivity or rebellion developed due to this. Some people take in to alcohol, drugs, smoking, sex, abusive behaviour- you know about it all - and yet some people suffer silently - with what we call Anxiety disorders. There are many of them yet I'm going to cover Panic Disorder (PD) and Agoraphobia - PD and A which is what I suffer from.

Now that we know why it could happen lets see what can we do about it. The first thing to remember is - You are normal. Unless you've been diagnosed with under normal IQ which is mental retardation - though most people with mental retardation would probably not get this disorder - you are perfectly normal with only a 'behaviour' problem. Its as simple as having a series of happy events come along and you feel happy right? Same way you have stressful incidents coming for too long or at a point you can't handle it or maybe too many at a time...and you could get this anxiety disorder.

Bottom line is when you feel something - any emotion it's always healthy to express it - cry, yell or laugh - don't deceive yourself though and pretend its not there - nor am i advocating banging up someone coz u feel angry - no. Just express it - go into a room and write it down and tear it up or talk into a recorder and express what you feel and erase it or just pray about it or talk it out to someone- Do NOT keep it within you. Coz in the long run it builds up and if you don't take up to any other addiction to ease the pain - anxiety disorder is quite likely the only outlet your emotions get to come out in. So first step - express yourself - be true to who you are. Panic Disorder is just a siren telling you something isn't right . Look at where you're going and what you're doing. Chances are you have to reconcile with your past or change your current lifestyle - find something you love doing and do it. Slowly most of the pain will lift and you WILL begin to heal. In the next article I'll write about my own healing path. Remember it's different for different people so if you've tried some that don't seem to work - just keep trying till you find your own UNIQUE healing path.

Till next time.