Monday, September 22, 2008

Been quite a while...

Yes, it's been quite a while I've blogged here.. Coz there is not much to talk about right now..it's like I have 2 lives..one which everyone knows about..the happy, alright me..and one which is a deep dark secret about what I face every other day..

And I'm tired..I so want to lay down my head and wake up to a day with a song in my heart..it seems so long..so long that I've laughed or smiled a genuine smile.. part of me thinks it s not a great idea to be writing about this here..this is a blog to give hope afterall..yet what do you do when you feel like you have had enuf..when your patience has reached its limit? And yes, the normal folks out there with just one life..tell you to get over it..coz its all in ur head..I would agree with them while I was like them SO I'll leave it at that..Today I know better..i've tried to talk to folks and cheer them up..many times..yet today I need cheering up..

I just feel lost and lonely most of the time..one day just flows into the next..and thats how its been for a year now.. I look around and see people smiling and pray its real..this is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.. Emotional pain is the most painful of it all esp at a point when you are on an all time low..like now..

And I wonder ..there is an angel for each of us they say..who is there to wipe away the tears..
Right now..I'm just wondering where's mine..

" When you have nowhere to go and nothing left..you realise God is all you have and perhaps all you've ever needed"....

2 comments:

Dotm said...

Hello Clara,
Wish we lived closer so you wouldn`t feel so lonesome. I know it must be hard to find people to talk to when you feel this way. This is like going through a deep depression, where some days are better than others. You probably feel that people might be getting tired of hearing you telling how you feel, but talking about it is probably one of the best ways to handle it. I wonder if they have a site online where other people handling the same feelings can talk to each other? If they do, you might find it useful being able to talk to others who do understand what you are going through and how hard it is to handle sometimes.
Please take good care of yourself. Remember there are many who love you and wish you the very best.
Just try to take one step at a time and feel proud of every thing you accomplish no matter how big or how small. Never get discouraged if she feel like you are going backwards a little because you will do better again. It is like a smoker who quits smoking and something happens to make them start smoking again and they have to try quitting all over again. Took me a very long time to be able to walk in a large department store alone without feeling like I was going to faint. But, today, I no longer have the panic feelings when I go shopping. If anyone had told me a few years ago that I would get over it, I would have doubted it, but I did. So, do not get discouraged, things will improve little by little in time.
Hugs and love to you my friend,
Dot

Dotm said...

May the Angels keep watching over you.
Hugs and love,
Dot